I heard Donald Trump say this to a live audience on “The Millionaire Inside” the other day. Although he gave this advice within the context of how to be successful and how to achieve one’s goals, it reminded me a lot of how I used to think about people in general. Before, my belief was that people should always accept others for who they are and that people should never change themselves to please others. Although I held on very strongly to this frame of mind, I’ve recently started to consider how the individual, regardless, either intentionally or unintentionally changes himself as a result of complaints from those closest to him who are more directly affected by his behavior or tendencies, to gain approval from certain people or from his peers, to create a persona which he believes will better contribute to society or those around him, to genuinely better himself, to relieve some sort of dissatisfaction in his life, or other various reasons.
I think its easy for people who are very confident and sure of themselves to adhere to this mentality of “never let anyone change who you are.” Its interesting, however, how this mindset can be drastically challenged when you encounter people who shatter all which you once held to be true about yourself and you begin to ponder whether or not the brutally honest criticisms which you are being bombarded with really do apply to you. If you choose to refute these criticisms you remain in a state of control, and possibly denial, rather than self-doubt. You can continue to keep your head up and not let anyone get the best of you. However, if you choose to accept these criticisms as valid and true you may experience a self-awareness to your flaws and may suddenly feel the need to “improve” yourself due to the fear of possibly being a tragically flawed, malicious human being. At times you may have to make the decision of whether or not to own up to your mistakes and personal habits. You can refuse to accept the truth about yourself and retain your convenient self-perception and esteem, or you can recognize your faults and possibly leave yourself vulnerable to further scrutiny and a loss of sense of self. This vulnerability is undoubtedly painful but can be extremely rewarding later as it will allow you to recognize the areas in which you can improve and will help you better understand the meaning of humility and open-mindedness.
But coming back to my earlier point, when that choice of leaving yourself vulnerable leads to the foundation of your person being considerably diminished, that is when you begin to doubt yourself and your actions and you struggle with the idea of whether the change that you choose to initiate for yourself is changing for the better or simply changing for someone else. But then again, who said we have to change ourselves to begin with? And what are our reasons for doing so?
At times change is inevitable but I think it is important that we make the distinction between improving upon our personal faults while coming to accept these flaws as apart of who we are versus changing ourselves entirely to fit others’ preferences and, consequently, abandoning the person who we have come to be.
